All change

Again. Yeah, again, the rules are about to change ... and I still have not got a clue what either set of the ELVs actually set out to do. It is clear that after another, well, not sparkling Six Nations, the brandy swilling throwbacks of the Home Nations are going to come down on the IRB like a ton of bricks.

I think it took well over a year for our teams to cope with the new rules, in fact it was the All Black’s terrible effort against the Wallabies first up last year in Sydney (we lost 34-19) that led us to do away with the hopeless kick and chase. Teams are still struggling to find their feet with new rules that are interpreted differently by each ref.

However, swinging the pendulum full back may just cause more trouble. Clearly the ELVs were rushed into top level comps and Tests too soon (to get them into the 2011 RWC), but all the Northern toss about it being a SANZAR plot to ‘depower’ the North?! Arse. Frightened of English dominance? Maybe in the twelve months following June 2003, but where are you now England? Seventh in the rankings? Its a case of “The Mouse That Roared”. If you do not have the players across the park that possess the athleticism and skills to play adaptive rugby, you can’t simply change the rules. This is the sort of crap kids pull when they are 6 years old.

Consensus has to be reached somehow otherwise North & South will dig in and tear themselves apart ... and that will be caused by the English RFU and the ARU - the two book ends of rugby in terms of on-field style and off-field political shenanigans. I wonder what Argentina is going to be offered for their votes? The Falklands? A Tri nations slot?

Thirteen Years of Super Rugby Reality Check Time:

• scrap the Super 14 teams, put our best provincial sides (not franchises) through to an international knockout round against the best Currie Cup sides, and whatever the ARU can organise
• let the Pacific islands in, in some form
• don’t give Aussie another team just because they are building another stadium (in Melbourne)
  
• the non-qualifying NZ teams could play off for the Ranfurly Shield
• the Tri Nations to be played every two years, or replaced, to allow tours that would create an ‘event’ for fans to follow (and overseas fans to attend) and hopefully stop us babysitting weak French or English sides
  
• stop banking on ‘expanding’ the Aussie TV audience for rugby union; it will never happen
• stop televising EVERY Air NZ Cup game ... even football in England has worked out this destroys attendance
• stop playing the Wallabies every 4 weeks, especially in neutral show-pony venues like Japan and Hong Kong; you are pimping out the All Blacks, and to corporate attendees only
  
• ask the Indians or the BCCI for some money?
  

A final note, and one that is more positive: I hope Ricki Flutey gets picked for the Lions. It really is a no-brainer on form, but it would be a remarkable achievement for the best performing Kiwi in England.

Paddy Power

Hats off to Ireland. They got their first Six Nations Grand Slam in 61 years. Hell, that makes our pining for 1987 look easy.

Now its all over for the internationals before the Lions tour to South Africa later this year. Check out this article from The Times, it’s great fun. Its such a treat to get a grasp on how a ‘Rugby Great’ like Jeremy Guscott, and Lord Spincter Jones actually think, or don’t.

The overwhelming flavour of their selections is not exactly peppered with English players, but Guscott actually thinks Wilkinson should be one of the No. 10! Plus Phil Vickery gets mentioned as Captain material, and O'Driscoll would not even get picked for the Test team. Stop it, you guys. My ribs hurt from laughing!

3-0 to the World Champs?

L Plates for the Ref?

Another frustrating night at a Hurricanes match. Honestly, if I had not gone last night or watched on TV, and then read 5 yellow cards and one red card were handed out, I would think I had missed one hell of a dirty match ... but it was not.

The pedantic Matt Goddard killed it and 'technicalities' resulted in binnings willy nilly from the start. I think the only signal he knew was “incorrect entry at the gate”. He did not police the offside sufficiently, and Fourie du Preez was almost in the Hurricanes backline late in the second half. And as for Bakkies Botha getting rucked a bit when he was blatantly offside ... Eaton gets pinged and now goes to the judiciary.

I missed the Warriors game, for this pseudo rugby display?

It leaves the Bulls at the top surely, and in control now. South African teams are doing better on the road these days, and this (along with the Webb Ellis Trophy) gives SARU power.

I have to wonder about all this talk of rejigging it to a pools based compettion of 15 teams too. So, the New Zealand teams basically play each other, home and away, in NZ and the best teams progress to an international knockout stage?

Sounds like the original Super 10 of the 80s to me. What is the logic of bascially operating a openly two tier domestic system? We might as well crap the bloody Super 14, and let the best Air NZ Cup teams make it through. It may well reinvigorate things by having players play for teams where they come from, and spread the All Blacks around some more - so that fans can actually see them play.

The finals obsession thing seems to be a knee jerk reaction to Northern Hemisphere criticism ... the way they hold the Heineken Cup up as the ultimate. I'll agree, a bit; I loved the HC finals when they came around, but all those teams that qualify come are based in a separate domestic league (Guiness Premiership, Magners League, Top 14 and whatever goes on in Italy).

Both NZ and South Africa have very established domestic competitions they respectively claim to class as sacred and ‘ring fenced’ from the test calendar and Super expansion, but the NZRU has gradually eroded away the old NPC's aura. Q: Who does not have a domestic competition, and in fact scrapped it after only 12 months? A: Australia.

Its claimed that Aussie is the place to grow the game’s audience for Sanzar, but we are really subsidising their game and propping them up. Who really wants to see the All Blacks play the Wallabies four times a year? In Australia, club sport is king, not regional or state teams - league and AFL prove that.

The franchise thing is dull. Make provinces stronger again, and restore the Ranfurly Shield’s status; how long before an All Black never plays in Shield rugby except when he is coming back from injury?

Ah well, its up to the back room boys now. I just hope someone here is strong enough to stand up to John O'Neill, otherwise we will end up following Australia and screwing rugby here.

The Canes were lucky though. Had Steyn got all his kicks, the Bulls could have won by another 15 points. One more loss, and the Hurricanes are out. And fercrissakes, Cooper ... can you please give David Smith a start!

Pimms O‘Clock!!!!

Well, it looks like the excessive experimentation by Marc Lieveremont has cost the French side and handed them a right royal thrashing at the hands of England. Four tries to nil, 34-5 ... and no sin binnings! All in front of 82,000 Hackett wearing, Pimms swilling, Chariot Singing happy Toffs.

This means England should get third this year now, providing they beat Scotland at Twickers on the final weekend - the thrashing of France gives them a points difference edge over Les Bleus. To be sure, most people will be watching Ireland play Wales in Cardiff, to try and get their Grand Slam win. Hell, I know I would ... if I could afford Sky and find it tucked away on the Rugby Channel.

In the meantime, I have to read the UK press and scour for video clips on Auntie, to watch it. Looked like a cracking winters day, and within minutes England started their (first half) romp, which led to endless punches of the sky and pile ups of unrestrained man love. God, you’d think they’d actually won the World Cup! Again.

Standout player? Looks like that Maori fellow they all said should not don the Red Rose because he is not an Englishman. Today it was Champagne Flutey ... shit, I should write for The Times.

And you’ve gotta love The Times really - I mean, they truly get acknowledge the spirit of this wonderful sport’s multicultural nature ... every time they refer to a black player as ‘dark’.

It’s a Draw

The RWC 2011 draw is out and can be downloaded from here. Obviously Martin Snedden will be pleased with getting the Buffet Kings of the IRB to agree to 16 venues around New Zealand. This really is great given the provincial spread, and it does fulfill in the NZRU’s pitch of a “stadium of 4 million” ... but have you been to a game lately? Its more like a stadium of 10,000 if you’re lucky.

The best way to fill a rugby game these days is to tell the local Indian community their cricket heroes are playing - the atmosphere on the Indian tour has been lively, good humoured and vocal ... and I can’t wait for the Tests. Has cricket supplanted rugby here? NZC has full coffers, and now our players’ IPL pay packets put them beyond All Blacks for income.

One thing not clear yet is when the games will be played; both Kiwis and visiting fans should be prepared for some very late games. Snedden did admit a while back that to get this many venues he may have to concede on late local kick-off times so that the Pommy fans can get to the pub in their mornings for a Full English and Low Chariot sing-a-long. A shame: real rugby fans will watch whenever (NZers have always had to get up at 3am), all this ‘growing the game’ nonsense doesn’t wash. Its all about the IRB maximising the TV audience and revenue, and hence they came down hard on TVNZ, Sky & TV3 trying to mount a joint bid to broadcast it. The networks may well have been trying to pull a fast one to keep costs down, but it surely is not hard to imagine that this event is possibly beyond the resources of any individual network’s resources? Dunno.

Anyway, Whangarei, North Shore, Rotovegas, H-Town, New Plymouth, Napier, Palmerston North, Nelson and Invergiggle are all getting a slice of the pie and that is cool.

If I was Sneddo though, I’d make sure that he has a few spare balls on the touch line at those Palmy games ... the ‘tea leafing’ locals have form in League Tests.

And in Northern Hemisphere happenings, I’m with Ferdy on this: no Six Nations coverage here in NZ is embarrassing. It remains one of the few free-to-air sporting events on telly in the UK, with the BBC showing all games, so for even TVNZ not to get some sort of highlights basically demonstrates our ‘heads up our arses’ approach to everything that side of the equator. Its England v France this weekend, at Twickers! You won’t see more pomp than that - and I’d love to see big Seb Chabal playing off the back instead of at lock wher Bernie La Porte kept him.

Ah, Britain ... at least when they play, they kick-off in the afternoon. “Pint of Best, thanks luv”.