Getting older ...

If fans are voting with their feet about Super 14, and rugby in general, because of its blandness and lack of variety ... what’s up with NZ music?

I gotta admit, that since I have been back here, the incessant jazz-skank-dub vein that seems to permeate almost all NZ musical output (and the summer’s festivals) at the moment has struck me as boring and unimaginative. I know reggae has always sold phenomenally well here, and like a lot of Kiwi music lovers, dub & roots does constitute a chunk of my music collection - but is it all we can come up with at the moment?

I read Simon Sweetman’s blog today, and I had to nod a little in agreement. I felt a little vindicated, having been dragged across to West London more than once in the last 3 years for some Black Seeds, Fat Freddy’s, or Pitch Black gig only to be left bored and hating the sheep-like Kiwis who will turn up, pay at least £20 ... and then talk loudly all through the gig.

The pinnacle was seeing the Phoenix Foundation at Islington’s Carling Academy 2 or 3 years ago. Not only were the band pissed, shambolic and disinterested (which is not necessarily ‘un-rock and roll’), but I could not even hear the songs due to blonde sheilas loudly discussing their preferred public transport routes they took to work each day. A shame, as I used to rate those guys - maybe I still do, not sure.

I am having to look for the good Kiwi stuff at the moment, and unfortuantely the continued existence of The Feelers, Elemeno P and Op Shop leaves me cold. It does not help that I live in Wellington, where you are expected to drink short blacks, wear a ‘jazz hat’ and harbour openly a love for epic 5/4 skat workouts. And this month its Wellington Jazz Fest; it’s like being trapped in a room with Howard Moon for a fortnight.

There is clearly loads more Kiwi music around now - on radio, in ads, on telly and up the charts. It is just that this makes my patented Quality Pyramid bigger ... there will be a small, higher class, ultimate peak of artists doing their own thing, but that will be held up by a solid foundation of complete shit. It sounds a bit Darwinian, but in our case the finches are developing tertiary degrees in songwriting.

Where’s the beautiful noise? Where’s the variety? Where’s the originality? (Please don’t answer “Ladyhawke” otherwise I will scream). Where’s all the good music that a recession is supposed to produce? Didn’t Martin Phillips acknowledge that one of the main reasons behind the Dunedin thing was ... the dole? I blame the internet.

Rant over. Got to go and put another CD on - that Salmonella Dub album has finished ...

The Brain Gain

All this talk of McAlister coming home ... what about me and my un-sports hero ilk? I did not come back to NZ because my lucrative egg ball contract came to an end; I came back to New Zealand because it is my bloody home, because I wanted to be back in the same country as my family, and because when I want to eat fish n chips I want it to be freshly cooked in front of me, by a smiling cook ... not stewed by some hunchbacked illiterate Limey, in oil brought back from Dunkirk, and left for three hours under a sun lamp. Sheesh.

Even The Listener was getting in on the act with its cover story this week - High Flyers. What a load of old arse. If they were such high bloody flyers they would be able to ride things out over there, instead of coming back here like prodigal sons & daughters, attempting to multiply economic activity merely by wafting their Air Points cards across the great unwashed.

Sample of the ‘typical’ Kiwis the Listener says are coming home: a journalist, an IT specialist, a research scientist, a global marketing project manager, and a cardiologist. What about all the call centre workers, accountants, landscape gardeners, lawyers, plumbers, admin staff, marketers, drivers, teachers & nurses? I get that the article is aiming at the so-called best and brightest, but it actually ignores the lesser twinklers, people like... well me.

I have got 15 years experience in the graphics/advertising industry - I’m looking for a job, and finding it bloody hard. I am stoked to be back here, but its going to take me a while to find work. I left a very enjoyable (and safe) job in London to come home, and I knew it would be a lot harder to find work once I got back here - no illusions. I just think that the Listener article should have focussed on common reasons why average Kiwis were coming home, and what their hopes were. Instead it looks like it was done via Facebook asking disparate friends a few Twitterish questions, and the journalist the story opens with never even bloody left the UK! What a twist!

Jesus, you can see why I have The Guardian’s website bookmarked if this is the sort of tosh you have to pay for here.

And if anyone out there knows what a ‘global marketing project manager’ actually does, feel free to let me know. It sounds like the sort of role you would put on your application for The Apprentice ... but then again, I’m looking for a new job.

PS In regards to the bankers & The Crunch though, check Boon out. Ditto.