Getting older ...

If fans are voting with their feet about Super 14, and rugby in general, because of its blandness and lack of variety ... what’s up with NZ music?

I gotta admit, that since I have been back here, the incessant jazz-skank-dub vein that seems to permeate almost all NZ musical output (and the summer’s festivals) at the moment has struck me as boring and unimaginative. I know reggae has always sold phenomenally well here, and like a lot of Kiwi music lovers, dub & roots does constitute a chunk of my music collection - but is it all we can come up with at the moment?

I read Simon Sweetman’s blog today, and I had to nod a little in agreement. I felt a little vindicated, having been dragged across to West London more than once in the last 3 years for some Black Seeds, Fat Freddy’s, or Pitch Black gig only to be left bored and hating the sheep-like Kiwis who will turn up, pay at least £20 ... and then talk loudly all through the gig.

The pinnacle was seeing the Phoenix Foundation at Islington’s Carling Academy 2 or 3 years ago. Not only were the band pissed, shambolic and disinterested (which is not necessarily ‘un-rock and roll’), but I could not even hear the songs due to blonde sheilas loudly discussing their preferred public transport routes they took to work each day. A shame, as I used to rate those guys - maybe I still do, not sure.

I am having to look for the good Kiwi stuff at the moment, and unfortuantely the continued existence of The Feelers, Elemeno P and Op Shop leaves me cold. It does not help that I live in Wellington, where you are expected to drink short blacks, wear a ‘jazz hat’ and harbour openly a love for epic 5/4 skat workouts. And this month its Wellington Jazz Fest; it’s like being trapped in a room with Howard Moon for a fortnight.

There is clearly loads more Kiwi music around now - on radio, in ads, on telly and up the charts. It is just that this makes my patented Quality Pyramid bigger ... there will be a small, higher class, ultimate peak of artists doing their own thing, but that will be held up by a solid foundation of complete shit. It sounds a bit Darwinian, but in our case the finches are developing tertiary degrees in songwriting.

Where’s the beautiful noise? Where’s the variety? Where’s the originality? (Please don’t answer “Ladyhawke” otherwise I will scream). Where’s all the good music that a recession is supposed to produce? Didn’t Martin Phillips acknowledge that one of the main reasons behind the Dunedin thing was ... the dole? I blame the internet.

Rant over. Got to go and put another CD on - that Salmonella Dub album has finished ...

The Brain Gain

All this talk of McAlister coming home ... what about me and my un-sports hero ilk? I did not come back to NZ because my lucrative egg ball contract came to an end; I came back to New Zealand because it is my bloody home, because I wanted to be back in the same country as my family, and because when I want to eat fish n chips I want it to be freshly cooked in front of me, by a smiling cook ... not stewed by some hunchbacked illiterate Limey, in oil brought back from Dunkirk, and left for three hours under a sun lamp. Sheesh.

Even The Listener was getting in on the act with its cover story this week - High Flyers. What a load of old arse. If they were such high bloody flyers they would be able to ride things out over there, instead of coming back here like prodigal sons & daughters, attempting to multiply economic activity merely by wafting their Air Points cards across the great unwashed.

Sample of the ‘typical’ Kiwis the Listener says are coming home: a journalist, an IT specialist, a research scientist, a global marketing project manager, and a cardiologist. What about all the call centre workers, accountants, landscape gardeners, lawyers, plumbers, admin staff, marketers, drivers, teachers & nurses? I get that the article is aiming at the so-called best and brightest, but it actually ignores the lesser twinklers, people like... well me.

I have got 15 years experience in the graphics/advertising industry - I’m looking for a job, and finding it bloody hard. I am stoked to be back here, but its going to take me a while to find work. I left a very enjoyable (and safe) job in London to come home, and I knew it would be a lot harder to find work once I got back here - no illusions. I just think that the Listener article should have focussed on common reasons why average Kiwis were coming home, and what their hopes were. Instead it looks like it was done via Facebook asking disparate friends a few Twitterish questions, and the journalist the story opens with never even bloody left the UK! What a twist!

Jesus, you can see why I have The Guardian’s website bookmarked if this is the sort of tosh you have to pay for here.

And if anyone out there knows what a ‘global marketing project manager’ actually does, feel free to let me know. It sounds like the sort of role you would put on your application for The Apprentice ... but then again, I’m looking for a new job.

PS In regards to the bankers & The Crunch though, check Boon out. Ditto.

New IRB Rankings

It feels like this is turning into an England bashing forum, but I am not making any of this up - rather it illustrates their slide. The new IRB rankings are out, and they have slipped to 8th ... their lowest ever.

Look at the graph below and this charts the four semi-finalists from RWC 2003 (which England won) from straight after the tournament until the end of 2007 (beyond which the IRB website AnalyCon won’t go past).

Besides the Red Rose plummet, it also shows that the pesky Wallabies and Les Bleus are always sniffing around the podium, and that New Zealand is consistently No. 1 in the world... bar for one week every fourth November, eh. Go Adidas!!!!!

For editorial balance I have stuck in South Africa as well - separately, as the chart only dies 4 years at a time. In a way it shows they have come the farthest - could be an interesting Tri Nations.

King Frank

I’m with Frank Bunce on this one, and he is royalty after all. I think Luke McAlister should play in a New Zealand comp first before being picked for the All Blacks. Despite his obvious class and ability to play 10 and 12, the guy has been playing for Sale Sharks in the England’s Guinness Premiership and I think its fair to say that on day to day basis that league is below the standard of our Super 14 and Air NZ Cup ... certainly it lacks the intensity & pace needed to just let you swan into the Tri Nations. Sorry, but its true; the league may have a more professional structure, based as it is on the private ownership model of Premiership Football, but its dour play and inconsistency are all to visible in England’s style (or lack thereof).

And anyway, the NZRU making special dispensations for its marquee players is an idea that’s already down 0-1 ... look at Carter’s injury. Both he and Lukey went over to ultimately experience Heineken Cup finals rugby; neither of them got there, unlike Byron Kelleher at Toulouse.

It may well be that as Britain’s cash strapped millionaires tighten their belts and lose interest in forking out for minority sports like rugby, so the financial carrot dangling for our players might shrink.

Martin Johnson is also saying he will pick players based in England over those plying their trade in France’s Top 14 (which matches Warren Gatland’s leanings towards Magners League players for Welsh selection), so the days of us losing prime ABs to the Northern Hemisphere may be coming to a close.

Might get a Lotto ticket this week - after all, weekend just gone was a clean sweep: Hurricanes, Black Caps and West Ham won ... that NEVER happens.

What a load of rubbish

Not my headline at all, but that of the Guardian’s Eddie Butler in review of England’s latest Six Nations effort. It seems they are still flopping around off their feet like the fatties they are, incapable of giving a pass to unleash their “wing three-quarters”, and getting binned quicker than the copy of ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ my mum got me for a birthday present five or so years back. They have leaked 30 points so far in the 6N while players were in the bin, and are apparently cheating in blatant fashion. He said it.

Its clear England’s intent has moved beyond 10 man rugby, but 14 seems to be their favourite number this season. The Red Roses’ failure has put the Irish on track to for a Grand Slam title this year (providing they beat Scotland and then Wales), but unlike Wales’ clear dominance of last year’s competition, I am not sure Ireland are head and shoulders above what is an average field. If Wales are indeed in a slump, then it may indeed be a hard task for McGeecan to get the Lions up to threaten with the Springboks later this year - though I can’t wait for that tour.

Meanwhile here ... the Canes ‘A Team’ pulled off the Big One down against the Soldiers of Christendom, I mean the Crusaders. Nonu back on form apparently. I’ll admit I was at the T20 game between India and NZ in Wellington, so I only saw the rugby on bar visits, but the nods of the blokes inside the lounge seemd to indicate a much improved performance, and many “toldyasos” about Weepu at 10.

Though now aren’t we chasing Lukey’s signature again? Been there before though; his Dad said no, and we ended up with Spongbob Squarepants at first five for two seasons.

At least it has put their season back on track, barring any train wrecks on the road in South Africa.

Still, I‘m a bit more into the Indian cricket tour at the moment, the Rockstars as they call them. Loved the way our bowlers restricted an incredible batting line up to such a moderate score, and despite the hiccups, our boys swung the willow at the right time.

It is great that our pitches are more conducive to good cricket now, and we are not relying on those green monstrosities that were producing 15 wickets a day on the last tour by India. We have to compete with the ‘Rockstars’, even if our new load of Young Guns are still a bit pub rock.

Be back the Caketin for the ODI this week. Mmmm, overpriced, warm, plastic-tasting beer.